This morning, I submitted the dissertation for my Masters degree.
There. If I write it just simply and quietly in one sentence it seems just a little thing – it doesn’t reflect the major amount of work, stress and pure effort I put into it – as any master’s student does, I hasten to add.
I’ve been a bit quiet of late (on here anyway) as I’ve been working on my dissertation. Very very hard on my dissertation. Quite honestly I couldn’t have worked any harder on it than I did. I’ve no idea what kind of a mark I’ll get, but I know I did the best I possibly could, so we’ll see what happens.
It started keeping me awake at stupid o’clock in the middle of the night, then when I finally did drop off, it would wake me earlier and earlier and now I feel that if I was to wake up naturally at a normal time, say 7am, it would feel like the middle of the day. Plus I had really bad heart palpitations. I saw a programme last week where a character who was having panic attacks was advised to blow into a bag (yes I’m looking at you Mick) and I seriously thought about doing it for a short while!
I’m rambling. I know I am. But I’m just so pleased and relieved to have submitted it and can I just say SO BLOODY PROUD OF MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!
Here’s a little pic of me taken this morning as I was about to travel to Leeds for what feels like the hundredth time (although on my last trip I did manage to go the wrong way – wtf??) just before I handed it in.
Sometimes I think I would like to have a time machine to travel backwards and tell myself what I was going to be doing in the future, how that future would look and what I would/wouldn’t have achieved. If I had told past Debsadac that future Debsadac would be a) studying for a degree, and finishing that degree with a first, b) studying for a masters degree and c) thinking about doing a PhD and meeting with potential supervisors for that PhD then I think past Debsadac would have thought I was stark raving bonkers. So never say never. To anything.
I remember my mum coming home from parent’s evening way back when, and saying how my friend Carol’s mum was going on and on and on about how wonderful she was doing in school, and I got the must try harder speech. To be fair I’d have given myself the speech if I could have been bothered. But it shows I was capable of it, I just couldn’t be bothered doing it back then. I often wonder now about Carol. Has she got a Masters degree? Is she doing/done a PhD? Who knows. Maybe…..maybe not. 🤔 Hello Mum! I know you’re a keen fan of this blog and that you’re very proud of me. 😉
And can I just say a massive massive massive thanks to Mike, my wonderful, amazing and fantastic husband. He kept me sane (and himself too) especially in the past few weeks when I was a completely nervous wreck and ran to the shops when I desperately needed chocolate. I think he knows as much as I do now about William Hunter and Alexander Monro and the functionality of the lymphatic system. He’s been brilliant. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
And of course a shout out to my two little study buddies, Sheldon and Missy. They were usually to be found asleep by my feet in my office, but just their presence inspired me, and made me feel not so alone in the writing/researching/thinking process.
Two years have past in the blink of an eye. This time two years ago I was stressing about starting the masters, so in a way me and my palpitations have come full circle.
Going forward…well I met with two supervisors on Monday who are both keen to work with me on a PhD, which I definitely want to do, but not before I’ve had a long well earned rest. So that should see me till January, before I start working on a research proposal for the PhD.
So the journey has ended for now, but not for ever. I’m already looking forward to the next stage….but a bit of a well deserved rest first I think!